“I’m sorry” is your least favorite but most often used phrase. You say you’re sorry when your friend is hurt, you say you’re sorry when you accidentally stand in someone’s way, you say you’re sorry for things that aren’t even you’re fault and why? Perhaps what you’re really saying is you are sorry for being who you are. Whether you are subconsciously getting down on yourself or you’re consciously trying to become a bigger, better, more confident you, refusing to apologize for who you are is the first step.
You Should be Sorry
Sometimes there is a good reason to feel badly. The phrase I’m sorry does have a time and place. Identifying when it is appropriate and when it is not is the key to letting go of guilt that isn’t yours to own and accepting responsibility for the remorse you share. For instance, when someone close to you passes or you know someone who is experiencing a loss, this is an appropriate time to feel sorry. Sharing their grief and expressing your sympathy is part of how you help them to heal.
Or when you genuinely make a mistake, like knocking into someone or causing them pain. Even if you didn’t mean to hurt them, they should know that you recognize the distress you have caused them and that you don’t have any intention of hurting them again. Finally, if you have said or done something that you know was wrong, you must own your actions and admit your guilt. Your sincerely apology is essential in order to move on and improve.
You Have Nothing to Be Sorry For
In the cases above, of course, you should apologize. When “sorry” simply becomes apart of your everyday dialog, you need to look closely on what compels you to speak in such a way. Perhaps you are interacting with an assertive person. This person may demand your attention, blame you for their problems and overpower you with their opinions.
In this case it might be easier to take the blame, say you’re sorry and scurry away but that only gives these people more reasons to take advantage of you. As soon as overpowering people realize that they can, in fact, overpower you, they will do everything in their ability to take advantage of you. When you have nothing to feel guilty about, they should know it. If you have to tell them so then do it. Speak to them calmly, rationally and hold your ground.
Maybe you don’t know why you say sorry all the time. It’s just a habit and habits do die hard. Take some time to watch yourself. The next time you say you’re sorry, look at the situation in front of you. Is it because you wanted to keep the peace, are you trying to disappear or are you surrounded by people who make you feel sorry? The sooner you know, the sooner you can eliminate the stressors that make you sorry.
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