For most people, one of the biggest deal-breakers in a relationship is when trust has been broken. It may have been destroyed due to infidelity, lying about a financial situation or a million other things that can happen between couples. Most begin to question if trust can be reestablished between two people, and that is a difficult answer to give. It really depends on each person’s willingness to do some very hard work, but it is possible.
When one partner cheats on the other and it’s discovered or revealed, a myriad of emotions hit. Anger, disappointment, sadness and distrust are the biggies. It’s tough to say “don’t be reactionary”, since it’s a natural path to take. If you are the one who discovers the infidelity, reactions are going to happen and that’s alright. Let it flow but don’t let your safety or of others be affected. If you’re the one who was caught cheating, know that you have to let the range of emotions from your partner run the gamut. Saying something in the heat of the moment will probably result in making matters worse. Breathe, walk away, think, talk to supportive friends who give good advice and then come back together to talk.
Trust like this is difficult to repair, but not impossible. Talk – really talk – about what led the partner to find solace in another person. This is a flashing Vegas-esque neon sign in your face that something is missing from your relationship. If necessary, seek counseling together to have that mediator between you when emotions start to get in the way of progress. Trusting your partner to not do it again may be the biggest hurdle you face, but you have to take that leap with him at some juncture. Or with any other man you may encounter in your life.
Lying about finances is another demolition tool on trust in a relationship. Again, this is an opportunity to come together or grow apart to get through this crisis. Which direction you take is up to both of you, depending on how willing you are to go through the ugly truth of the matter.
That leads me to an ultimate point. Trust is based on being true, honest (yes, there’s that word, again) and genuine with yourself and each other. If you’ve invested even a year in a relationship, is it worth giving up that quickly by walking away with unresolved pain or do you think that there’s a bigger lesson to learn? Do you throw broken trust away easily or do you get down to the truth behind the situation to grow as a person and as a couple? Again, this is up to you and your partner.
Trust is sometimes too easily broken and often has to be given the Humpty Dumpty treatment to get back in acceptable shape. You have to weigh the consequences of walking away from the shattered remains on the floor with the possibility of repeating the same mistake later, or doing the really hard work of picking up those pieces and possibly finding a new and improved creation. Which choice do you make?
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