Trust with Your Best Friend After It’s Been Broken

best friendsA best friend becomes so much more over the years.  Often, a best friend becomes family!  That’s why it can be just as painful for her to break your bond of trust as it would be for a sister to do it to you.  It may lead to the two of you taking some time away from each other, but it may also involve other friends having to decide which “team” they are on between the two of you.  It’s an ugly situation, so what can be done about it?

First, I’m a proponent of keeping things just between the two of you.  Unless others are directly involved in the situation that put trust under fire, they should have no part of it.  There’s no need for anyone to be “Team You” or “Team Her” since this just makes the divide greater.  Isn’t the goal to repair the distance instead of making it wider?  Keep the drama as low as possible with others while the two of you work out your own business.

Talking is paramount, but so is listening.  If a secret you told her was blabbed to another, which caused you to lose trust, ask her why she was unable to keep it contained.  It may have been a simple as over exuberance and excitement over the secret and it just burst from her.  Hey, it happens.  Talk it out and explain why it was so important for her to keep it secret.  If she’s as good of a friend as you believe, she’ll understand, apologize and, hopefully, never do it again.  But, you do want to listen to her reasoning behind why she let it slip.  There may be some insight in there for you, so hear her out.

Don’t let little matters destroy a long-time and very close friendship.  Take a true and deep evaluation of whatever it is that made you lose trust in your friend.  Is it really worth losing a sister-friend?  Is it something that you can let go and move past?  If so, great!  If not, figure out exactly why you can’t get past it.  Is it somehow damaging your ego or is there real personal damage to clean up after in the wake of this situation?

That all having been said, there are certainly times when it’s time to break ties with your best friend if the offense is truly that severe.  I chose to severe my relationship with someone I’ve known since I was five years old due to her actions.  It broke my heart and it was like she had died.  I did have a grieving period, and I still do miss her.  However, for the sake of my sanity and safety, I had to do it.  If you’re faced with the same situation, it’s tough but you can do it.  Life does go on and you can find friends who will fill that hole as you move along.

Trusting your best friend is the same as trusting a family member or spouse.  There are responsibilities, whether implied or spelled out clearly, on both of you, and throwing trust under the bus in order to shirk those responsibilities is sometimes a mistake or purposeful.  Talk it out, ask questions, listen to the responses and go with your gut.  If your love and friendship for each other is as deep as it should be, this tense season will pass with a little more love and work.  If it’s time to move on, it’s okay.  Be thankful for your time together and remember the lessons and the laughter the two of you did have while it lasted.


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