I know how easy it is to talk to your girlfriends about problems at home. You all get together for a girls’ night out or you’re chatting over a lunch date and the topic turns to issues you’re having with your partner. While this is great to have a close friend to use as a sounding board, you have to be careful about how often you do that in comparison to how often you take up the same issues directly with your husband or partner.
You don’t want to get caught in the trap of just talking to your friends about your problems while not a mention of it – outside of perhaps a few snide comments – at home where it really counts. Sure, you want to take the good advice (and, I do hope that it is good) from your friends, but use that information to address problems head on. Here are some ideas on how to do just that.
Plan What You Want to Say
Don’t let this be a whim of a thing. Often, this sort of thing happens in the heat of the moment, and it’s rarely, if ever, constructive or productive. Instead, plan this whole discussion out before you decide to dive in. Try not to let the emotions take over, although that’s impossible to do completely. Just stick to the facts of the situation instead of the reactions to them.
Have a Plan of Action Ready
Don’t just bring a problem to your husband’s attention without having an idea or two on how to solve it, too. If you just start talking about how you dislike something that’s going on between the two of you without a possible solution introduced at the same time, you’ll come off as just simply nagging. Again, this would not be productive, so have some suggestions on how the two of you can come back together to work on getting it all fixed.
Just Do It
Yeah, Nike had it right back in the day. Just do it. Don’t delay and don’t go running to talk to your friends again about it all, since it will just be a rehash of the stuff you’ve already spilled to them. Take a deep breath and get it done. The longer you wait the worse it will probably get for you both, so set some time aside together – alone – and have this important discussion.
Step Away from Temptation
If you find yourself back with your friends, even if you have already talked with your husband, and they start to pry into this issue with you, resist telling them the details. Why? Mostly because this is between you and your husband, but also because it may lead you to start second guessing yourself. It kind of depends on the type and quality of your friends, but you want to create a good habit of talking to the person with whom you actually have a problem instead of everyone but him.
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