You see signs that make you suspicious. You may even see a certain level of detachment in your spouse when it comes to spending intimate time with you like he once did before. You may begin to ask yourself if he’s cheating on you, but you really don’t have any hard proof of that. About then, the question pops up in your head: Should you spy on your spouse? Well, perhaps yes, but there are a couple of issues to think about before you dive into the underbelly of your relationship.
Do You Really Want to Know?
That may be a silly question I’m presenting, but, let’s be honest: Do you really, really want to know the truth? Are you ready to hear it? I ask this, because, once you know the truth, you’re now called upon to act on it in one fashion or another, and are you ready to do that? If your answer to that last question is “no”, then go gently forward in following your suspicions while you get your “no” to a “yes”.
You may be called upon to do anything from seeking couple counseling for you both to seeking legal counsel…and just about anything in between or a mash-up of a few things. You have to be ready to take those steps once you discover the truth from your sleuthing. Don’t go into this blind, or you will be blindsided. If you’re strong enough to discover the truth, you need to be strong enough to take steps to fix the relationship or get out of it with your pride and confidence intact.
Be Prepared to Be Disappointed
Now, this doesn’t imply the type of disappointment that comes with the discovery that your man is cheating on you like you’d suspect. I’m talking about the kind of disappointment that comes from discovering that there’s nothing nefarious going on. You may have already painted your spouse as a cheater, but your spying efforts may uncover the fact that he’s just under a tremendous amount of personal or professional stress that has translated to his disconnection with you.
Remember that men respond to stress differently than women. While we will vent our spleens to anyone with at least one ear, men tend to internalize their problems. We women may be wise enough to know that this is an unhealthy habit, but men are often hard-wired to perform this way. Don’t judge him for it, but, rather, understand on any level you can reach and try to find little ways to help alleviate it. If the last thing on his plate of importance is mowing the lawn due to the stresses at work, quietly take that task over for now and watch his mood lighten almost immediately.
Before deciding to spy on your spouse, take an easier (and often cheaper) route by just asking him directly if he’s cheating on you. His response will probably tell you more than a private investigator or a spy program on his computer will ever reveal. Granted, he may become slightly defensive at the accusation, so be prepared for a little backlash. Be gentle when you ask, both on him and yourself. The goal is to bring the two of you back together, right? So, keep that intention and goal in mind as you decide to find the truth, no matter which route you take.