This is a question many of us ladies have thought at least once after a break-up and maybe even after a divorce. We may consider this thought out of loneliness or he may have come back into our lives, promising change from the last time. Should you try to get your ex back? Here are a few things to consider before deciding one way or the other.
How Did the Relationship End?
Did the two of you end the relationship on good, or at least decent terms? Or, was it messy with things left unresolved? If it was a pretty clean break-up, this may be an easier decision to make for you. It may mean that the two of you can pick up where you left off.
However, if it was messy and issues were left hanging, starting up a relationship together may need a little housecleaning first. Pretending that those old problems aren’t there and acting like it’s all cool as you begin seeing each other again is a recipe for disaster. Perhaps a good heart-to-heart before that first dinner date is called for. This opens the door to a better understanding between both of you as to where you both stand now, as well as getting the baggage handled.
What Was the Reason for Breaking Up in the First Place?
If the demise of your relationship came at the hands of him cheating on you, this is something that weighs heavily on your decision to dive back into seeing him. Your trust is probably still fragile when it comes to him, so tread carefully. There is an old adage of “once a cheater, always a cheater”. While there are always exception to this rule, and people are certainly capable of change, don’t let your dream of what could cloud your judgment, or silence your gut feeling. If something still seems off, it probably is.
Are You Acting Out of Desperation?
Perhaps you’ve spent too many lonely evenings having a ménage à trios with Ben & Jerry, or you have a wedding to attend that is quickly arriving with no one to accompany you. It’s times like these when you start thinking that your ex wasn’t so bad, so maybe you should give him a ring to see how he’s doing. It’s never a terribly bad idea to do this just on a friendly basis, but there’s a great possibility that your desperation will give off an odor that can be detected even over the phone.
This isn’t the best basis for beginning again, is it? Desperation breeds opportunities to be hurt, so resist the urge. If a chance meet-up happens, embrace the opportunity, but don’t stage it. Be gentle with yourself and love yourself enough to not sabotage your happiness by settling for something that isn’t up to the standards you should expect for yourself.
That all being said, if your ex genuinely appears to be a better person now and you’re in a secure enough place to attempt things again, go for it! Sometimes, we need time apart from each other to grow and mature enough to really enjoy another person. Perhaps it is time. Just keep things genuine, authentic and truthful – with him and, more importantly, with yourself.
What are your thoughts? Should you get your ex back?
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