I have been a stay-at-home mom for 8 ½ years. Before I got married I daydreamed of beautiful sunny days spent strolling through the park looking fit and dapper in my perfectly pressed clothes, designer stroller in front and perfectly obedient toddler quietly playing. I fantasized about day trips to the museums, the zoo, the park and the firehouse. I planned to make crafts, bake cookies, and happily greet my husband as soon as he got home from work with dinner and a clean house.
Then reality set in.
One of My SAHM Confessions:
Reality is that I had postpartum depression with both girls (probably should have seen that one coming since I’ve struggled with depression since junior high) and my second pregnancy saw me injecting blood thinners into my hip twice a day for weeks before the birth of my daughter.
Reality is that my house is a mess all of the time. The kids eat macaroni and cheese for dinner more often than I care to admit and I have put on a lot of weight since giving birth to my girls. The reality is that many of my days have been a struggle.
I am blessed to have seen each of my girls take their first steps, watched them smile and laugh and love each other (and me!) I have been the recipient of more than my fair share of sticky kisses and cuddles and hugs. I have laughed with them and we have taken adventures.
But, I would be lying if I didn’t admit that there were many days that I was angry and bitter because I felt like my life was slipping away and I couldn’t control it. There is this perception that being a stay-at-home mom is bliss. That the decision to stay home and raise your kids is easy and that every mom who chooses to stay home does it because she likes it.
Well… that is simply not true. I love my children and I love that I have memories and moments I would have missed otherwise. However, I do not always love my decision to sacrifice my career to stay at home. I hate cleaning. I hate cooking (but I love baking) and my sewing skills leave something to be desired. I will be the stay-at-home mom that confesses: some days I hate it.
I hate feeling guilty that only being a mom does not satisfy me. I feel guilty that I need more out of life. I feel guilty that I enjoy my writing, that my freelance business brings me peace and mental satisfaction that I was not getting before.
I love my kids. I love the memories I have, but I do not love being a stay-at-home mom. Does that make me a terrible person? I hope not. I would sacrifice my happiness, and these last 8 years, again in a heartbeat because I see how happy my daughters are and I see how good and kind they are. I like to think I helped. However, it has not been an easy road and I suspect there are other moms feeling the same way. Embrace it and decide if you want to suck it up, find a hobby or get a job. There is no judgement here!
Do you have any SAHM confessions? Share in the comments!
Image: iStockPhoto
