What’s one thing they don’t tell you before you choose to have kids? That intimacy is likely to fall by the wayside if you’re not careful. Parenting is tough: it takes time, attention, sacrifice and energy that you often don’t have. As every couple knows – sex and intimacy are vital parts to a healthy relationship and need to be nourished, even when times are tough. So, when life gets a little hectic and it feels like everything revolves around your role as mom and dad, here’s what you can do to fit in some intimacy.
Don’t Wait for it to Happen at Night
For some reason, society tells us that intimacy is to be thought about and enjoyed at night, in the confines of one’s bedroom. Come to terms with the fact that, at the end of the day, you and your spouse are both tired. It’s unfair to save love for the part of the day when it’s likely to just slip away. Remember that your relationship with your spouse is important enough that they shouldn’t receive what’s left over at the end of the day, whether it be quality time or sex. Wake up early, meet for lunch, take advantage of nap time… think outside of the box because normalcy, when it comes to being intimate, is near impossible.
Remember back before you had kids, when flirty conversation flowed throughout the day via text? Bring that back to encourage greater intimacy throughout the day with fun conversation, and a more inviting sex life along with it. Parenting life can be so filled with routine that it can cause conversations to become practical and stale if we don’t go out of our way to combat that.
Be Intentional with Your Schedules
It is what it is – you’re going to have to schedule intimacy for a time. Rather than think of this “planning” as something that takes the adventure and spontaneity out of it, make it exciting! Get together once a month to decide what days you’ll meet for lunch, what days you’ll schedule date nights, and – if it’s necessary – what days you’ll have sex. Have some fun little phone alerts sent to you and your spouse on those days so that you both can prepare for it and get excited about it. Even if you feel a little lame scheduling sex at first, you’ll find quickly that it’s better than neglecting it all together.
Feel Good About Yourself
Physical intimacy is a lot more appealing when you feel attractive and well put together. Don’t expect it to happen if you or your spouse is un-showered, or just feeling so exhausted and drained of happy energy that all you want to do is crash. On those nights where you’re craving some intimacy, get yourself cleaned up – shower, shave, throw on some cologne, and then watch the kids and allow your spouse to do the same. You’ll feel much more inclined to be intimate with each other when you’re putting your best foot forward.
Surprise Each Other
A break in routine may be all you need to get excited about intimacy and keep it alive in your life. When you come home after a long day of work, bring a nice bottle of wine with you to enjoy with your spouse after you help put the kids to bed. A good conversation over a bottle of wine will be a nice surprise, and will likely welcome a greater opportunity for physical intimacy than if you both sat and watched the news until falling asleep on the couch. On a grander scale, book a nice dinner at a fancy hotel restaurant and prepare a baby sitter so that you can get some quality time out of the house. Gestures like that make a huge difference and certainly do not go unnoticed.