It’s common knowledge that kids flip life upside down. They’re exhausting, life-sucking little blessings that, somehow, once we have them, we can’t imagine life without. For most parents, a dragging libido shows up somewhere between their child’s birth and grade school, and during that time it takes constant tending to to keep the sex life alive at all. What used to be effortless, natural and intense has now become more of a spousal obligation as they’re low on energy, time and, quite frankly, desire. Does that sound familiar? The good news is that with a little effort, you can nurse your horizontal life back to health by getting in the mood!
The biggest mood killer is the need for sleep. That’s why if you wait to connect with your spouse until after the kids have gone to bed, you’ve probably waited too long. Even if you do muster up the energy, you likely won’t enjoy it as much as you would if you’d been a little more awake. Planning sex isn’t always, well, sexy, but it might be healthy for a few years to do that as you get your bearing with having little ones in the house. Anything you can do to keep your intimate time free of sleep distraction will bode well for you, your mood, and your partner.
Feel Good About Yourself
We always want to put our best foot forward when it comes to going out of the house, but when it comes to staying in, we sometimes grow complacent. Stay at home moms and dads can fall into the trend of wearing their pajamas all day, and when it comes to connecting physically, being un-showered and feeling unattractive can be the biggest mood killer. If your spouse is in the mood and you’re just not feeling great about yourself, take 15 minutes to go get cleaned up. Shower really fast, brush your hair, spray some perfume or cologne, whatever you need to do to feel sexy, do it, it will help.
Talk it Up
If at all possible, flirt with your partner throughout the day. Whether it’s in person, via text message, over email, or on the phone – drop hints and comments that are fun and playful and let him or her know that sex is on your mind. Here’s the kicker: Even if sex isn’t on your mind, making the effort will put it there and will inevitably get you excited, too.
Make Spending Time Together a Priority
Think about it: Before kids, you were with your spouse for uninterrupted time almost every day. Now, a 5 minute uninterrupted conversation is hard to come by. It’s normal for people to want to feel an emotional connection before giving themselves over physically, and after kids come, that emotional connection can just be hard to come by if not intentionally sought after. Try this: Set a bi-weekly date night that you stick to, where you have a babysitter watch the kids and you enjoy an uninterrupted dinner with your spouse. Set strict bed times for your kids that are earlier than when you want to go to bed, so you get at least an hour of alone time with each other every night. Touch base at least once a day to check in, other than for normal routines and to-do lists. These simple things will allow you to connect emotionally on a consistent basis, and will promote a healthy sex life when you see how much easier it is to get in the mood.
Although it may feel like it for a little bit, sex doesn’t have to (and shouldn’t) disappear after kids come. It’s an important part of every couple’s relationship, and with a little extra effort, can be revitalized and stronger than ever before!