The Blame Game – How to Stop the Cycle

blameSome relationships are laden with what is often called “The Blame Game”. Each person blaming the other for the misdeeds of the other, for their financial situation, for problems with their children and even to how the wife can’t cook like “mom” used to do back in the day are just a few of the myriad of charges taken against each other. Once the finger pointing and accusations start flying, it’s a tough cycle to stop.

Quite often, the accusations may have some sliver of truth to them, but it’s still a symptom of a bigger problem. By the time blame starts to rear its ugly head in a relationship, there are serious issues that are the root of each accusation – most of which are glossed over and blame ends up used as a weapon. Blame and accusatory comments rarely, if ever, accomplish a thing in improving any relationship.

So, how do you stop the cycle of blaming each other? You begin by examining your own thoughts and intentions behind your accusations to your partner. Are you really that upset that he left the seat up again, or left his dirty dishes in his home office? Or is there a deeper reason of feeling that he doesn’t listen to your needs or appreciate your efforts to take care of the family? Don’t look at the action, itself, but at the reason why the action sets you off so much.

That’s the issue to bring to light; not the blaming of doing (or not doing) something yet again that he knows pushes your hot buttons. Discuss it calmly and with the intention to resolve it, not just make him feel badly or to simply vent your spleen. Be constructive with your talk from a place of love and concern. If you don’t, accusations are bound to start flying yet again, putting you both back to square one.

The best step to take in order to stop blaming each other is –well, to stop assigning blame. It’s not a game of who is right and who is wrong, so keeping a scorecard is pointless and certainly not productive at all. If the two of you really want to work on improving your relationship, drop the blame and shame and reach for clarity and understanding instead. Communicate the real issue instead of dealing with a symptom of it, and the two of you will be on the road to a better relationship.  Put a stop to the Blame Game.


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